Snuff

Disappointments, Failures and Mistakes. I am currently thrilled and been thinking of next year and the future. Will things change? This is the question that leaves me restless everytime. This agony makes me unable to sleep. I still have a month away to enjoy the last taste of the holiday. Despite of being a trash, I have actually taken this period to think deeply. Will things change? I’m scared of moving forward, and sometimes it just dragged me out to think cynically.

My dreams all along seemed to be collapsed. Next year’s resolution will be short, expectations will be less. There’s just one thing I really hope I can achieve before achieving other missions. I need to handle myself before handling the rest because I am the major matter.

I seemed like I can’t define what’s yes or no, what’s right or wrong, and good or bad. I have lost these feelings to feel the purposes of life. I’m barely numb, cold and vulnerable.

There were times I tried to give up of this entire shit. Again, I’m about to do so, I can’t carry this weight anymore, so do you, people? Knowing that I can’t find myself a true colour, yet I can’t even paint a fancy rainbow around. I have so many “Why’s”, but will all the answers satisfy me. Idk.

Words here are much better than the emotion and speech I present as myself literally. Apart of this, it’s better to express here instead of being in a freak show, because I know I’ve been a fraud to everyone else.

Unpredictable, Uncertainty, Unfair.